Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
