my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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