I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
