I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
