there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
