you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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