so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
