i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I intend to get homeless drunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
