Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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