we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
