He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
