So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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