You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
