I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
