I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
