I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need a beard to bite.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
