I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
