Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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