yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
handjob tips. give me some.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You may now shotgun with the bride
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
