i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.