You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
