I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
