idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
