Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
