How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
