the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everclear isn't food dammit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
