Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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