What did we do last night that was yellow?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
