He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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