i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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