vagina is talking i cant
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
