I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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