the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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