I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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