I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
