I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
