i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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