But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am naked and annoyed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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