Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
