Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Come see our sink grown plant.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
