Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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