just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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