How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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