he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
