Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
