before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
