ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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