Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
