Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She bit a glass in half.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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