Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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