i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
