So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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