can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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