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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Holy shittt I don't even have a bf

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  That's dedication to the game.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.

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