One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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