i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
