Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
