In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
