He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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