my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
