I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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