Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
