Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
