The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
