I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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