so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
