they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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