i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
