No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need water and some morals
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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