My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
