chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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