I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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