sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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