He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
