This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
