doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
